Despo housewives revamped
by yur ma
Summary: I am writing a story about Dave williams coming to town but gets a great shock of his life as he realises the intelligence of this town. Disclaimer i do not own any of these characters. Warning: may be random
1. chapter1warnin contains blink 182

Desperate Housewives revamped.

Lynette is in the car with her son Preston outside a bar where Warren Shilling is a regular customer.

She is trying to convince her son into telling her the whereabouts of his twin brother Porter.

'Mom I'm sorry but I can't tell you where he is. Warren wants him dead!' Preston cries to his mother.

'Well, In that case …' Lynette revs the car up. Her son's eyes widen.

'Mom?'

'There are times when I have to put myself in a position that I'm not comfortable with but if it keeps you

Safe then I'm just gonna' have to deal with that'

Warren walks out drunk and screaming in slurred words.

Lynette moves forward but Preston stops her.

'Mom don't , he's with grandma!'

Lynette stops but there is a sickly thump. They hear a groaning sound.

' Oh God', she gasps. 'We hit the bastard!'

'We?' asks Preston. Lynette leaves the car but before Preston can escape she locks the door and screams

'The ginger did it!'

When Lynette calls Porter for the second time to bring him home she fakes her own car crash.

Porter and his grandmother Stella enter the hospital.

'Hi is there a Lynette Scavo here' he asks the receptionist .

' No there is no record of that name in here.

Porters face goes pale and turns to his grandmother in horror.

' Does that mean she's dead?'

Lynette and Tom both jump out from behind a person in a wheel chair. Porter clutches his chest in shock while his grandmother suffers a minor heart attack.

' Couldn't you guys just call me to come back?' gasps Porter still suffering from shock.

'Uh yeah , but there's no fun in that.' replies Tom

' By the way Lynette have you seen Preston?'

Tom forms a rock band but Lynette is not happy about it at all.

'Hey Dave what do you think we should call our band?' asks Tom as he admires his own bass guitar.

' How about Blue Odessey?' He suggests. Tom shakes his head.

'I like Blink 182!'

'Tom for the last freakin' time that name has already been taken.'

' I know' Tom says , eyes shining. 'Some say the number 182 is the number of sexual encounters they had'

' Well , you with your 5 ( or more can't tell with you anymore.) kids that I wouldn't be surprised if you've had s - e… Hi Lynette! Didn't see you there,' Dave says. Lynette peers at her own garage suspiciously .

' What are you guys doing ?' Lynette asks suspiciously .

'Starting a rock band!' Tom whooped and ruffled Dave's hair even though Dave was planning all their deaths.

'Why?' moans Lynette who was tired of her husband's 'dreams' .

Dave cut in 'We thought we'd put your garage to good use .How does the name Blue Odessey sound?'

' I like the name blink 182 better.' replied Lynette. Tom and Lynette give each other high fives.


	2. chapter 2 or is it?

Bree

After Bree learns her husband Orson has been stealing she threatens to end their marriage.

'Bree no please don't say it's the end' Pleads Orson.

'Orson I swear if you don't put all this crap back I will. I don't want you to go to jail again!'

'You're right Bree if the guys inside knew I was coming back because of petty theft I'D be knifed for being a wuss!'

Bree sighs deeply. 'Orson that's not what I meant.'

Soon after Orson is caught stealing more junk. Bree asks for a divorce.

'No Bree! Think of the good timed we've had together!' Orson wails as he drops his loot and falls on his knees.

Bree begins to have a flashback about the time Orson gave her , her first orgasm.

FLASHBACK

Gasps 'Orson I think I'm having a heart attack!'

Orson rises out of the cover and grins.

'I don't think your having a heart attack dear. You're having an…'

As Bree is having a new experience the whole of Wisteria lane is having an earthquake due to Bree having her very first orgasm. Her friends are seeking shelter in Gaby's garage.

'What the freakin' hell is causing this!, screams Susan. Lynette looks at Gaby horrified.

' I think Bree's having an orgasm1'

Bree also remembers the time her and Orson faked a pregnancy by strapping a pillow to her stomach .

She remembers the time she gets a fork stuck into her baby bump / pillow and her neighbours Ida Greenburg and Adam Mayfair were shocked.

'Oh my God Bree, are you alright ?' says as he sees blood on her stomach(actually it was barbecue sauce).

Orson cuts in . ' Uh yeah she's fine . It's a toy fork1' He pulls the fork in and out several times.

Bree pretends to giggle uncontrollably. 'Isn't he such a joker?'

Adam and Ida laugh nervously and move away quickly. Bree lets out a tiny whine.

' ORSON! THE FORK! THE FREAKIN' FORK! IT'S IN !'

Orson laughs. ' what's that dear?'

THE FORK , IT'S IN!'

'Oh I get . This is one of those 'that's what she said jokes' isn't?'

'NOOOOOOO! THE FORK WENT THROUGH THE PILLOW AND NOW IT'S ACTUALLY STABBING MEEEEE!'

'Oh' Orson says calmly as he pulls out the fork. Bree faints.

Bree snaps out of her flashbacks .

'Yeah,' she says softly to herself. 'We've had some good times.'


End file.
